How many of you out there love “Sex and the City”? Well, it’s my favorite show of all time. The other day I saw the episode (again) where Carrie helps get a stuck diaphragm literally “out of” Samantha. Carrie takes a stiff drink and “goes in” to help…
I am proud to say that I have friends who would do that for me.
I am even prouder to say I have never required them to do so.
Lifetime friends. I have many…not a singular core group like in Sex and the City, but unbelievably good friends who I have discovered at different times and in a variety of interest areas of my life.
Some are from my childhood, others are from my wilder college and young single’s days, still others I met early on in my soccer mom transformation; becoming friends while hauling strangers’ kids to yet another field trip and meeting up at fundraising events.
They are actually an incredibly varied group from all walks of life. I trust them. I love them. I laugh with them (and sometimes, at them, as only a great friend can). And there is a huge comfort in knowing they are out there, at the other end of a text message, always willing to be supportive or make just the right joke for a particular crisis or situation.
Single again and having fun, but who will take care of me (and pull my plug if needed)?
Many of my friends have been divorced in the past few years. I sometimes think we’re all just at that age where many husbands start to experience “male menopause”, needing to re-manufacture themselves and their lives (that will be the subject of another blog!) … Those now-single friends seem to have discovered a whole higher level or value to their female friends. These friends routinely tell me that they have discovered that being single is very fulfilling for them, and in many cases has allowed them to grow in wonderful ways, careers, etc. Many are leading more active social lives than they were when they were married, and doing things they enjoy.
So what are they now worried about? Not finding a new man!
If they are worried at all, they may have old age on their mind. Who will take care of me? A big question, especially for the friends with no children (who might otherwise consider becoming their mom’s caregiver down the road). A few have expressed concerns over Alzheimer’s and other health issues. Some want assurances from me that I will pull their plug (should the need arise), care for their special pet (if said plug is pulled), etc.
A possible solution?
A few years ago – in an all-female gathering where there was certainly some champagne flowing – someone came up with the idea of a Women’s Compound. I wish I remember who did (most likely, said champagne is the reason I can’t), as I’d like to acknowledge their vision! The idea of middle-aged and older women, living in a community together, to provide a support system of sorts.
Not a commune, but a community…Maybe a row of townhouses (and while I’m envisioning, why not make it a luxurious set of townhouses on the beach) or perhaps a huge mansion (I’m thinking Hearst Castle size), not sure…but the idea is that the women are all connected via their various friendships, provide “live-in” social connections and support, and offer a safety net for when life’s challenges (and health-issues) arise. It would be nice if a few had plumbing and auto repair skills, since I’m dreaming…
Basically it is what my friends and I have now, but with friends from all of your social circles, and we’re all living next door or even together (at the beach). Oh, and the husbands have left or died. Hmmm…guess that is a flaw to the plan. But still, something to think about…as I think about my wonderful forever female friends. They are not obsoleted at all.